Seeing is Believing
by Loveless12789
Summary: Gilbert life has become hell. His crush is really the only thing that keeps him alive. But, one night, he drinks too much and his brain goes haywire. WARNING: yaoi in later chapters , character death, suicide, lemons in later chapters , AU. T for now.


**Seeing is Believing**

**By: Loveless12789**

Gilbert sat on his bed, mulling over the days events in one of his many journals.

_February 13th , 2011_

_Today was awkward. Gilbird attacked my face this morning to wake me up, being all unawesome. I looked over at my clock, noticing that I was an hour late to the world meeting. I shot out of bed to get dressed but, of course, no dressy clothes of mine were clean. I had to do laundry, making me another hour late. After everything was done, I rushed out the door, and sprinted down the road towards the building the meeting was in. I ran into the lobby, rushing to the room that everyone was in. I slammed the door open, breathing heavily. West asked me where I had been. I told him I didn't hear the alarm go off, but he looked at me like I was lying, then continued talking about whatever. I shrugged it off, walking over to the 'Non-Existent' part of the long, oval shaped table, plopping down right next to Mattie. I sighed into the chair, caring less about what West was saying. I'm not a real country anymore, anyway. I just kept looking over at Mattie. I think I'm starting to notice the blonde nation more and more everyday now. I don't know how people mistake him for America. Mattie is not a loud-mouthed, arrogant, dumbass, he's more calm, collected, or in any other person's eyes, invisible. Maybe it's the hair, the eyes, or the glasses. After awhile, I think he figured out that I was staring at him, because he started staring at me. We stared at each other until the meeting was over. I wished the meeting hadn't gone by so fast, wanting to spend more time near Mattie. I decided not to ask if I could hang with him, getting unawesomely shy when I tried. I walked unhappily out of the building, down the road towards the Weillschmidt household. I heard something in the wind calling my name, I turned around, and Mattie was running towards me. Once he got to me, he asked if I could walk him home. I said sure, of course. We walked towards his house, Mattie leading the whole way. Not one of us dared to break the silence. We arrived at his house, exchanged goodbyes, and went on our merry way. And for the rest of the day, I've sat on this fucking bed. Fucking awesome._

Gilbert slammed the journal shut and sighed. He sat there for a few more minutes before sighing out, "I need a drink."

Gilbert walked into The Emerald Lion, Arthur's bar. He sat down, ringing the little bell placed on the counter. Arthur walked out of the back room, carrying a bottle of vodka. "Gilbert?" Arthur questioned, the former nation normally called before coming down.

"Hey," the albino said quietly.

"Is.. Is there something you need?" Arthur asked while handing the bottle of vodka to Ivan.

"Just beer," the nation said while making small circles on the counter with his fingers.

Arthur looked at Gilbert oddly. "O.. Okay."

Arthur walked into the back room again, rummaging through boxes of beer, trying to find something. Once he did, he walked back out seeing Gilbert leaning against his hand still making circles with his finger.

Arthur poured him the beer. "Is there something wrong?" he questioned while pouring.

"No, nothing's wrong." Gilbert took a long pause to drink. "Nothing at all."

Arthur noticed how the albino was looking extremely depressed. "Are you sure?" he pushed a little further, hoping Gilbert could possibly crack.

Gilbert took another long swig, slamming the glass down on the counter, causing Arthur to flinch. "Pretty fucking positive," he said, glaring at Arthur.

Sensing the atmosphere, Arthur walked away from Gilbert, towards Alfred.

Gilbert watched as they stood there, foreheads touching, looking into each others eyes, talking softly to one another. They had what he had always wanted, ever since he was a little kid. Someone to love. Someone to protect you, tell you that you will be fine, someone to talk to in the dead of night, someone to whisper sweet nothings to. Someone to give him a stronger thread than the one he was holding on to now.

Gilbert drank until he couldn't drink anymore, or until Arthur took the glasses, bottles, whatever was there away from him, telling Gilbert he was going to kill himself if he kept going. Gilbert walked out, yelling back that he was planning on doing that.

He walked down road after road, letting his feet take him wherever. He noticed that his feet took him to Matthew's house. Gilbert looked down at his feet, silently cursing where they had took him. He walked further, coming to a dark forest, the sound of rushing water being heard in the distance. Through intoxicated eyes, he found a trail leading towards the sound of the water. He came to a bridge, walking to the edge of it. He stood silently, letting the tears flow down his face. '_The silence only keeps you safe for the moment.._' he thought.

He stared at the water for what seemed like hours, watching it rush over the sharp, jagged rocks at the bottom of the murky water. He climbed up the edge of the bridge, standing on the thin rail, the only thing keeping him from sweet oblivion. He sighed quietly, letting one foot go over the edge, keeping all of his weight on the other. He closed his eyes as he let himself fall into the dark abyss known as hell.


End file.
